Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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