the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
