Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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