Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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