dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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