It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
