why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We had to coat check the pizza.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
