I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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