YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
