Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
