And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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