Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
When are your genitals available?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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