Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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