Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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