apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
