I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
