I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
