he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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