She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
