I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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