Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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