Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
