I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize