I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Randomize
