chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
