So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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