last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
