he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
