My balls are so social today.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
