i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize