we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
