i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
