I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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