How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I AM VODKA MAN
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
