I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
