at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Randomize
