Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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