I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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