WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
