he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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