Pappa wants mamma naked
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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