The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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