hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
