i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
