My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
