I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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