I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
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