I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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