I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
