Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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