Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
