I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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