She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
It's shark week go big or go home
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
