So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
