Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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