remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
