Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize