I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
