med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
