Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
my liver is dry heaving
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
