there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
