He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
