we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
