If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
